Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Back from Blighty

I sort of let this thing slip to the wayside. Not that I had any real devoted readers, other than people I sent this link to, but still, I shouldn't have let it go entirely.

In December, I left the country. Which sounds dramatic and like something amazing happened, when really, it was just another step in my seemingly never ending search for fulfillment. I left, ended an almost 2 year-long relationship, encountered all manner of housing and financial troubles, and after 4 soul crushing months, found myself hauling 3 half empty suitcases up the steep stairs to a room in my dad and stepmom's home in rural suburbia. My years old battle with depression reared it's ugly head and for about a week, I lurched from room to room feeling a failure. I got a job, new clothes, replaced most of what had been lost or stolen in the Big Smoke and began my new position.

Truth be told, I never enjoyed graduate school. I tried to like my classes but I never did. I was never fully engaged and in hindsight, I think I knew deep down from the moment I stepped onto the Eastbound plane that what I was doing, where I was going and what I wanted were either not meant to be or weren't going to be found in the manner I thought. I knew that on December 27th in the same way I knew that on April 20th. But I always have to learn things the hard way. Always.

And for a while, the constant nagging voice in my head that tells me this isn't what I want to do, that what I want to do is over there was quieted. I was content. I found a boy who meant the world to me, my job was satisfactory, I had money, I was getting along with my family. But a couple of days ago, something clicked. I don't know what it was or what brought it on, but I felt the need to go.

So I'm back. Searching for something, I don't know what exactly, but looking. I know though that what I want more than anything else is to write. And of the things I learned about myself over the past several months, it's that writing is something I need present in my life. This blog will still be a lot about the awkwardness that is corporate America, but it will also be about the struggles of the uber-cliche but too true rite of passage that is the quarter life crisis.

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